Becoming Me

As I rose early this morning to meet my Aunt in another part of town to run, I found myself in doubt.  I had agreed to help her, as she is new to running, and coach her on the all-important form and stride; I really wanted to help my wonderful Aunt get out on the right foot and have those notes of wisdom from an experienced runner to help her prevent any possible injury she may incur solely from something simple like form.

But as I made my way out the door into the misty morning, I found myself asking critical questions of my ability:
– Do I really know what I am talking about?
– Am I really qualified to give this advice?
– What if I tell her something that is not true and causes her to develop bad habits?
… and finally,
– Why am I doubting myself?  What am I really afraid of?

I have been running for over fourteen years.  Until this year, it was not an habitual practice, and I think that is the focal point from which my doubt originates.  I have it in my mind that only those who run frequently and with some kind of schedule are “real” runners.  In contrast, I like to sing, and have performed in public, but do not have a band nor do I have any repeating gigs or schedule, yet I do call myself a singer.  Why do I have trouble claiming runner?

When I pushed the “Publish” button on my last post, I have to admit I was a little shy.  That may very well have been the first time I claimed the title and called myself a runner, really believing it to be true.  I’m sure coaching my Aunt and advising my friends will only help me to grow, and identify myself as a runner.

This year, my 30th in life, has led me through a great deal of self-exploration and change; learning about those things which are important to me, and making the choice to pursue activities that I am passionate about.  I love to run.  I love to sing.  This is who I am.

Thanks to all of you out there, my friends and family, who believe in me.  🙂

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